The term ghosting has always made me cringe—the fading away of contact with no explanation. While I understand that responding to everyone when selling something can be cumbersome, there are situations where clear communication is essential. For instance, when we were buying a car for our daughter, we had arranged a time to see the vehicle. It would have been helpful to receive a simple, “Sorry, the car has been sold,” rather than waiting for an address after we had rearranged our schedule. Unfortunately, ghosting is becoming more acceptable, and that makes it even worse.
Ghosting in Dating: The Importance of Clarity
Ghosting is particularly painful in the dating world. People believe they’ve made a connection, only to be left wondering. A short message like, “Sorry, I don’t think this will work,” could save someone from endless hours of self-doubt and speculation. Instead, they’re left questioning whether the person is away, busy, sick, or worse. A simple sentence could provide the clarity needed to move on.
Ghosting in the Workplace: The Importance of Clear Policies & Communication
I was shocked to hear about a neighbor’s teenage son who learned he was no longer employed at a fast food restaurant because he wasn’t on the schedule. It wasn’t an oversight—it was a passive way of saying, “You’re fired!” This kind of treatment is upsetting, especially for someone new to the workforce. It leaves families confused and the individual feeling inadequate without knowing what they did wrong.
Even if a company has a 90-day trial period or high employee turnover, that doesn’t justify avoiding a conversation about an employee’s performance. If there are issues with availability or promptness, these should be communicated explicitly—not left for the employee to guess. A simple conversation can provide much-needed feedback, allowing the person to improve or understand the situation better.
We owe it to others to communicate when our feelings or circumstances have changed. It’s not just about common courtesy; it’s about maintaining our integrity. Everyone I’ve spoken to agrees: it’s easier to move on when the reason for disengagement is clear. No one wants to be left guessing why something is no longer working.
The fast food restaurant could have implemented a simple form explaining why an employee was being let go—whether it was tardiness, availability, or poor performance. This approach would give teens a chance to learn and grow from their experience, rather than leaving them questioning their self-worth. As adults, we have the responsibility to treat each other with respect and dignity, and that includes clear communication.
Ghosting in Marriage: The Importance of Honest Communication in Healing
In my psychotherapy practice of over 40 years, I’ve seen many people struggle to move on after a breakup or relationship issue. One young man, married for three years, ended his marriage because his wife was rarely home. Her actions spoke louder than her words, leaving him to decipher her unspoken message. If she had been able to be honest and just let him know that her commitment to her work had overtaken her ability to be in the relationship, it would have been hard, and it would have been sad, but at least it would have been clear.
It is not easy to either deliver or receive difficult news, but much better to have it out in the open where it is clear and allows a person to be able to move on, rather than have someone spinning in circles because their hope is bigger than the actual situation.
By addressing issues directly, we enable others to:
- Foster self-respect and mutual respect
- Move on from a situation
- Grow from their mistakes
How to Deliver Difficult Information:
- Use simple, direct language
- Communicate as soon as possible
- Maintain a kind and matter-of-fact tone
In the end, clear and honest communication helps everyone. Let’s strive to be the adults in the room and offer others the respect we’d want for ourselves.
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About Meg
Meg is a licensed independent clinical social worker with over thirty-five years clinical experience. She holds a Master’s Degree from the Boston University School of Social Work and a Bachelor of Arts from the State University of New York at Binghamton.